Starting Over

Hi there now before I go any further I would just like to ask you guys something. Just some friendly, open and honest feedback on how you guys are feeling with regards to my blog posts thus far; are you guys vibing with my blog at all?, can anyone relate to what I'm posting? Please let me know in the comments guys, I would really appreciate it 😊.

I turned 31 years old this year and just before that happened I lost my job. Now was I sad? in a way I was because hello bills, but it was also unexpected as I didn't see it coming. This happening put me in a unit place where by I was forced to take a step back, take a good look at my life right now and think about a few things such as what the hell do you actually want child? What do you actually want out of life? This last job was my first since quitting a job that I had been at for the better part of 3 years and one which caused me immense strife. Day by day I felt as though I was stuck on the conveyor belt of life in the organization. I couldn't breathe, I was continuously bullied by my seniors and co-workers to the point of mental breakdowns almost daily. I was misunderstood for building a wall to deal with the hate. I was also lost, unhappy and dying faster because of the stress. I was also surrounded by a lot of people who were either comfortable in their established misery or preparing themselves to be mindless slaves for the rest of their lives instead of actually trying to live. I should add that I myself was also not living because I didn't know how to. 

However, after almost a year of being out of the job that I willingly left and the job I was suddenly released from how am I doing? Well I'm back to square one 😅. The main different between me leaving my second to last job though and getting fired from my last is definitely the fact that instead of just trying to find another job just to pay my bills etc, I'm more focused on finding my place in the world, establishing a career, working on putting some focus on me and who I am and who I want to be and though it's fucking scary I feel as though it's the best choice of option.  

I would like to know if anyone else is going through this type of change starting from square one as an older adult who feels lost and like they're still learning and still growing. Because freaking hell it feels so weird sometimes like am I actually an adult?, what the hell? I don't know if I'm even doing this right? Shouldn't I be better off right now? No? Ugh it's so confusing. Can anyone else relate?

Anyway I'll end this blog post here for now since it's bed time 😁.

Trial & Error