Confessions

 Here are some things that I've learnt to accept about myself as of recent.

1. I'm a people hater 😔. There I said it. I don't hate all people of course not and I probably don't hate the ones I claim to, I most likely just strongly dislike them 😅. Like if you've spent enough time observing the human race then you come to the realization that most of them are idiots and that staying in your home is better than having to interact with them especially on a daily basis because you run the risk of losing brain cells and we can't have that can we 😐.

2. The concept of friends is somewhat lost on me. I get it having good and supportive friends is nice and maybe necessary especially as you get older however if you haven't noticed alot of people do not know how to be someone's friend. There is a lot of unrealistic expectation mixed with hey wanna be my trauma dumping victim? 😫 like leave me alone and respect my boundaries bitch wtf 😤. Idk maybe that's just me because as I stated I get it and I would love to have a good genuine friend that I can support and who could support me through good times and bad but maybe those types of people are not meant to be apart of my life, maybe I'm only meant to have bad or the bare minimum friends. Mayhap that's why the concept of friends is so lost on me. 

3. Being an adult is hard. I think this one speaks for itself.

4. I feel like the reason why I'm having such a hard time living is because I have already made up my mind to end my life at some point in the future because it feels as though I have one foot in the grave and one still in the world of the living but until I let go of the notion of choosing my own death and being ready to leave I won't be able to properly dream and live and love life or myself or people and I don't know if I'm scared of that fact or just meh about it all. 

Okay that's it for now. 

Trial & Error until next time.